Wednesday, December 21, 2005

"It's heartwarming! It's romantic!"

Bruce Willis-1

Gina Fattore, who is a bigshot screenwriter, observes that the new film of Pride and Prejudice is soppy, sentimental crap, when in fact Jane Austen was an unsentimental chronicler of the absurdity of her society, especially relating to mating behavior. Fattore doesn’t actually say, “soppy, sentimental crap”, but you get the idea. I already got that sense from the ads on TV, although I imagine if a bitingly satirical film was made of P&P, the trailer editors would probably do their damndest to make it seem soppy and Hallmark theaterish as well. Anyway. This is the comment I left at Salon. I think they own it, so I don’t have the right to leave it at my blog. So, there’s the chance they’ll sue me and win a judgement of millions of dollars. I’m counting on my penury to protect me from such a contingency, and their goodwill. Did I tell you how they’re all smart and handsome?

Versen’s comment about Jane Austen in Hollywood:

I think the next Jane Austen novel to be filmed should have Bruce Willis in it. And lots of explosions. And Jane Austen should be in it, bugging him about how he should do this or do that, and it should really get on his nerves.

Jane: Cut the blue wire.

Bruce: Lady, will you leave me alone!

and whenever he nonchalantly walked away from something as it exploded, she’d scold him for his lack of haste:

Jane: What the hell’s wrong with you?

Bruce: Don’t start that again.
And, at the very end, he'll notice that only he could see her, and wonder what it means. Yes, I know, I’ve essentially given away the plot of Northanger Abbey. But it’s public domain, so how is it my problem if you haven’t read it? If it really bothers you, go start your own blog criticizing me. Or go read a book.

image of Bruce Willis courtesy wikipedia, and wherever they got it from. Image of Jane Austen courtesy her sister's etch-a-sketch.